Tag: you have got this

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Eyes everywhere.

Is it wrong that when someone steps into your house they have eyes everywhere? Yes its natural to look about, we have all done it. A quick glance. A cursory look. I get that but there are some people that seem to take it to a whole different level and it annoys me. My husband said he was expecting it on this occasion and boy he was not wrong.

Recently we had an appointment for a home visit from a nurse to teach me how to administer my husbands new arthritis medication via injection. Husband said I better move anything that I didn’t want seen. Trust me our space it tiny. Its not as tidy as I would like. So I cleared a few important bits away so they were out of sight. Then we get a call to say they are going to be early. That’s a first.

A bubbly gentleman walks through the door and within less than a minute he is stood, eyes on our calendar on the wall which I had made up for my husband using our holiday photos. ‘Wow that looks impressive. Some one was enjoying themselves.’ I was in the kitchen thinking he was referring to our wedding photo which is proudly hanging on the wall. ‘Where were you?’ ‘Maldives husband replied. ‘Oh right, both pictures?’ Yes.

His eyes then moved round the room. Over the TV is a small shelf with two wooden animals we brought back from safari. ‘Oh look at that giraffe and elephant. Where did you get those?’ Africa I replied as I appeared from the kitchen. My eyes going to my husband who shot me a look that said ‘I told you so.’ I glared at him, I hate it when he is right.

He was only in the flat less than fifteen minutes but he made me feel really uncomfortable. Some of you would probably claim he was trying to find something to put us at ease. Make a connection. Find something to talk about. To me it felt nosy. Overly… I’m not going to say friendly but comfortable maybe. Too comfortable.

I have experienced this with a family member in the past. If a letter was left on a pile away from where they were sitting they would make the point of reading it. How did I know they had read it? They mentioned its contents. I’d not got around to putting it away. Is that not rude? An invasion of privacy. Who runs their eyes over someone else’s correspondence? If you are going to do it at least keep quiet about it.

So am I wrong? Is it acceptable to go into someone’s home, as in this case, once, and have a good look about and comment on several things? People have commented in the past that I am too serious about pretty much everything. The phrase ‘I should lighten up’ makes me roll my eyes. I see it as I am there to even the scales somewhat for all the people for which everything is a joke… just saying.

Sure I have gone into people’s homes and noticed family photos. I have wanted to comment about ones that are missing but I wouldn’t dream of saying anything. I don’t peer into open doorways as I walk down halls. I sure as heck don’t open closed doors. I feel guilty if I get lost going to the bathroom and end up in the wrong room. Maybe I am the odd bod is this case. Maybe my eyes should be everywhere. But what if I see something I shouldn’t? I worry about these things!!! E x

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Information overload

How do they expect patients to take so much information in at one time? Is it done that way so they can blame the patient when things go wrong and appointments are missed? Recently my husband had an afternoon admission for spinal injections. He was the first one in theatre because they wouldn’t sedate him. Don’t ask its a long complicated and frustrating situation. I would like to point out this was a private hospital appointment covered by my work’s insurance.

He was back in his room for less than ten minutes when his door became a revolving one. A nurse to check how he was feeling. Another lady asking if he wanted a some water. Then another to see if he was ready for some food. The nurse comes back to tell him he isn’t to get up without her being present.

His food arrives then the physio appears. The poor guy is trying to eat his food as he is hungry but she wants to ask questions. Up I step into carer role to provide her with information. Have you had these injections before? Do you have a history of back problems? I am trying to bite back the sarcasm. No he just thought it would be fun to have a consultant stick needles in his spine for no reason. Then wanting to scream at her to read his notes.

Are you here under medical insurance? Oh good heavens read the information in his file. Yes. I try to take the bite out of my response. Right so we will arrange a physio appointment. That wasn’t part of the approved treatment plan from the insurers. Call them I’m sure it will be fine if not it’s not that expensive… rude darling to assume we can afford it. So I hit back. Don’t bother booking us an appointment with the gentleman as he is useless. I didn’t have to say anymore. Oh OK. That alone told me lots.

She then stands beside me and reads me the information in the suggested exercises. It wasn’t quite finger under the words as she read but not far from it. Get him on the floor. I was having Deja-vu. These are the same exercises he has been given after every back procedure. I just let her talk, then she went off to book an appointment. One that we will cancel. She comes back and starts telling him what he can and can’t do.

Finally she leaves and husband say he needs the toilet. Not a nurse in sight. I go and find one. She stands and watches him get himself upright. I’m there helping him up and she doesn’t seem bothered. He walks to the toilet and comes back. OK you can get dressed. She leaves. Then another nurse appears and starts telling him what he can and can’t do. She tells us the information for his follow up appointment, all while I am helping him get dressed.

By this time my head is spinning. My information retention is usually pretty good but I have been given options for physio appointments and now I am questioning what is what. I know the follow up is in October and I know it is in the evening but that is the only information I retained. Another nurse appears with his discharge paperwork and tells us different time scales for recovery, rest periods after and suggestions for what he should do. To say I was confused would be an understatement. They were all reading from different pages.

All this took less than an hour from when he was back in his room. I have never felt so rushed before. How a patient could take all that information in I have no idea. My husband said he gave up listening. I failed miserably. Mind you there were a few different versions. I think we will listen to his body and I will make some calls when things have settled down. Ex

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Being hit by emotion

Do you ever get hit by a wave of emotion when you least expect it? That emotion is caused by something so innocuous and that in itself is surprising. But when it hits two of you at the same time… well that is a lot to deal with. Let me explain.

Over the last couple of months we have been clearing out my family home as my dad has finally decide to sell it. Due to space constraints in our home I never really moved many things out of my room when I got married. Clearing it out always got pushed down the list. All the while hoping we would eventually get a house then my things would finally move in too.

The main things had been boxed up and put into storage on a recent visit and my sister and I were back there emptying all the folders containing college work and bagging up the rubbish. The two of us were sat on my bed when I stumbled across a large brown envelope addressed to our mother. I pulled out the contents and… wham… the tears started. It was the care notes from her final days, Why they were in my room I don’t know.

Sniffing and apologising I looked over at my sister and she was doing exactly the same thing. That set me off more. Neither of us had even read the notes, it was just knowing what they were. Its not like this was a recent event. Mum passed over two decades ago. We both chuckled, sniffed, rubbed our eyes, got our emotion under control and in the very British way said ‘how stupid.’ Then got back to the task at hand.

Those notes got put on the book case for a little while as I felt guilty about putting them out for shredding/recycling. It took a deep breath and my big girl pants to empty the folder and throw them out. Mum wouldn’t have wanted us to keep them and I had no intention of reading them.

being hit by emotion when you least expect it.

The last things I was bagging up were some old clothes that had been found in the spare room wardrobe and my dinner and dance dress. I have not seen that dress in over thirty years. Wham… emotion explosion number two. Why? Mum made that dress for me. I can remember so clearly her cursing me for losing weight and her needing to take it in for the third time. I hugged that dress and looked at my sister who nodded in understanding with tears in her eyes.

As I sat here typing this up another ripple of emotion has washed over me and a few tears have escaped. That dress is now in storage on top of the box containing my wedding dress. It won’t get worn again (it won’t fit) but I’m not ready to let it go. Is it stupid? Possibly. Probably. It is the only tangible thing I have that my mum made. So yes the emotion which is attached is strong.

I have one more trip to make back to my family home. The last few boxes which need to be stored. Am I expecting another wave of emotion? I’m not sure. It felt strange seeing a for sale board outside. Thinking about it I don’t think I am. For one simple reason and some people will think that it is a harsh thing I am about to say but the heart of that house has been missing for a very long time. The family have gone their own ways. It’s no longer home. That is inside us wherever we are. Ex

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Does the medication work?

Does your medication work? That certainly is a question to ponder. I guess asking that can open a can of worms but hey lets do it. Now where should we start? We get a prescription and we know what the drug is supposed to do, help with or prevent. If the drug is for something simple… clearing up an infection. That is easy. Infection has gone. the drug did what it was prescribed to do. Happy days.

Some drugs you can see the work that they do. The swelling has gone down. The itching has stopped. Others the work is hidden but you can tell it is happening. The heart rate is right, the blood pressure lower. You no longer have palpitations. The dizzy spells have stopped. Sometimes you have to wait a while for the effects to become apparent. The dose may need a tweak or two to get it to work but what if it doesn’t?

We have had a few appointments recently. As is the way you get chatting to people. One comment surprised me. My husband was talking to a nurse who was conducting pre-admission tests. She spotted his tremor in his arm and asked if he has Parkinson’s and was he on medication. He said yes but I’m not sure its working. She replied ‘I don’t think it is for my Dad either.’

He has been on medication for months and it has been increased once but I can’t say I have seen any indication it makes a difference. Now obviously without it he could be worse. We don’t know that. My husband says he doesn’t feel like it is helping. In fact he has other problems that we are beginning to question if they are linked. So what do you do?

Does medication work. Can relaxation help

How long do you give a drug time to work? Time to make a difference? How many times do you up the dosage? When do you ask if there is an alternative? Each adjustment is then followed by a six month wait for the next appointment. That is a long time to wait for a drug to work. How many six month cycles does he have left until we get told, sorry there is nothing we can do? In that time we have been buffering, waiting for things to improve. Not fully living because it is not helping in the way they say it will.

The whole process feels like a barrel load of ‘how long is a bit of string’ questions mixed with a need for a crystal ball sprinkled with a handful of ‘what ifs.’ Should you trust the process? Keep your fingers crossed that suddenly the drug will work? I haven’t reached out to our Parkinson’s nurse as her last comment about ‘not being bothered to adjust our lives to fit the drug’ doesn’t fill me with confidence. We have another appointment soon so we need to decide what to do? Well I don’t because it is not my call to make.

Sometimes I don’t notice his tremor. I’m not sure if that is because I have got used to it. Other times it is so apparent. That is usually when he is stressed. I haven’t notice his lip tremble recently but he says he feels it more. Before this next appointment we are starting new medication for another issue that we have been waiting for for eighteen months. Will that work?

It would be nice to know what to do for the best. You can only go by advice and how you feel. A little improvement. A sign we are heading down the right path. Something would be nice. Lets keep our fingers crossed that something starts to work. Ex

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Its been a write off

Recently I have found it hard to write posts. Having written so many and scheduling them when I had the inspiration has been a blessing. So why has this happened? We have had appointments. Procedures. I’ve been taught to administer new medication via injection. I’m still working on my novels so its not like I have writers block.

I have sat and pondered. Tried to write a bit, then deleted it. My conclusion? I wasn’t going to be writing anything useful or interesting. Honestly I think outside factors were making me very flat and frustrated. Sure our usual hurdles were just as prevalent but they were being overshadowed by other areas of my life and you didn’t need me droning on. You have enough of your own problems.

The weather hasn’t been very inspirational. Such a British comment but I’ll own it. The wind and rain, although greatly needed, (the rain that is) does not make you want to write or wax lyrical about issues and put a positive spin on them. The weather has been causing havoc at the allotment. Potted trees have taken nose dives. Other peoples netting has been blown off. Newly planted saplings have been flatted. Then the recent extreme heat since this was typed. Its been brutal. Yet that is life.

Needing inspiration to write - looking for it at the allotment

So why am I now back at the keyboard. Something really silly. One of the big media platforms had an outage and I was scrolling through my phone looking for my password. Yes I know, it shouldn’t be on there. It took me a while to find it but I’m at that age things need to be written down. There on my note list was a blog idea I had forgotten about.

Now I did not go off and write that straight away, simply because it needed some consideration. But that prompt ‘dinner with famous people’ somehow made something in me click and I wanted to write. No idea why. It’s not like that subject has any reflection on health matters unless one of your dinner guests made a massive contribution to medical research. I should point out that blog could be a while in the making as I still don’t know who I would want at my table.

Have you ever found inspiration or motivation in a place you least expected it? A lot of the time I try and plod through things. Like you are wading knee deep in mud, hoping you don’t lose a boot. You make it through and then you face the other things that need your attention. I’ve had a conversation with someone in passing that made me have a light bulb moment. Some people have suggested things that have sparked the passion. Others have done nothing more that threaten to boot me up the butt.

So where ever you find that motivation run with it while it is there because we all have times when its hard to do the things we want to do, or at least do them with enthusiasm. Life is too short to do things without at least the occasion smile on your face and skip in your step (OK the skip might not actually be visible). The things we need to do should not always feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.

Wow that got a little deeper than I expected. Sorry, well actually no I’m not. Sometimes these things need to be voiced or in my case I need to write them. So if things are hard right now I hope inspiration comes your way soon. Like me you might find it when looking for something else. Now I am off to write some more. You have been warned. Ex

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So much admin

Admin! That word never used to make me scream but at the moment it is being moved into the same bracket as ‘health and safety’ a certain telecommunications company and cold callers. Why? Simply because it is becoming frustrating and annoying.

I’ve always considered myself competent when it comes to admin. There is a lot of it in my job and I will admit that with the progression of technology some of that pressure has eased. The processes have become easier. Please do not think I am talking about AI because I am not. Software packages that have reduced my data entry are amazing. Yet for other parts of life the opposite seems to be true.

Recently after a GP appointment my husband was given a referral letter. Having gone through this process several times we waited for an appointment. Nothing. It now seems we have to take the referral and do the work to get the appointment. At what point was someone going to tell us this. More admin for me. Check out the possible consultants because his usual consultant has vanished. Check with the private insurance company that the one we pick is on their list. Make our choice, get it authorised, book the appointment.

Another clinic said he needed bloods and an X-ray. OK log on book the blood test, my job as husband can’t use a computer. Where has the paperwork for the X-ray been sent? Thankfully it only took a couple of calls to track that down and confirm it can been done during the same visit to the hospital for the bloods.

My response to admin

The paperwork I have in relation to my husband is behaving like that Gremlin who was fed after midnight. My current folder will now need to be split as it is busting at the seams. In that simple task is an admin dilemma. How do you decide which sections to group together? I know from experience which ever way I do it, the question I get asked will have the answer in the other file. We won’t mention it is information that should be held in his medical records. That is another gripe altogether.

For the appointment for the referral I think it best if I step up my admin and put together a specific folder as from experience usually a new consultant means a whole load of pain starting from scratch. Better I go armed with all the information as I know full well that lovely screen on his desk, linked to that big ole computer will not tell him anything relevant. I’m not sure it tells him anything correct.

It’s hard work, another ball that we shouldn’t really need to be juggling. I’m trying to figure out if these are problems due to people not doing their jobs properly, people not caring or the systems being upgraded ineffectively. Failsafe procedures not being put in place or perhaps this is just a way to reduce the figures.

Yes I sound cynical but I don’t understand why admin is being pushed onto the patient. How far will this go? Will we eventually be responsible for generating our own discharge papers? That might be beneficial as in my husbands case there never seems to be anyone to sign them.

I do fear for the people who are dire with paperwork. Perhaps we need to hire a PA when we get sick. I know that if the boot was on the other foot I would be doomed: husband is not an admin demon. His theory is shred it, we won’t need it. My suggestion is brush up on your office admin skills, you never know when you will need them. Just don’t ask me, I’m drowning under paperwork. Ex

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Is it wrong to expect the basics?

I some times wonder if I expect too much. I mean I think I’m only asking for the basics. Manners, curtesy, punctuality and people to do a proper job. The job they are there to do. And therein is the rub. That today seems to be too much to ask.

So after the debacle of being missed off the system upgrade which saw us waiting nearly a year for results. We needed to start the process again. Now those of you who have been with me since the start would have probably groaned and asked what happened. You would be right to. Only us. A sigh and an eye roll.

We did the long round trip to the hospital for bloods and X-rays so we could get back into the process of applying for funding. Then we get the phone call from the consultant. You need to come back. They didn’t do the all the blood tests required. Seriously? How? Why? You need to come in Monday… oh wait that is a bank holiday. It will have to be Wednesday before midday or we will need to start over.

Was it that the person didn’t take enough blood or was it the person who ran the tests didn’t do the right ones? Is expecting that to be right above the basics? I get that mistakes get made but reading and double checking for me is the basics of a process. Protocols should be in place to make sure this is the case.

Sod’s law there was another appointment on the Wednesday so we had to reschedule that and head off early to get to the hospital. We can’t book a blood test appointment as the earliest one is five weeks time. To queue jump we have to get to see the consultant between his appointments so he can talk to the phlebotomy department.

We get to the hospital and the consultant isn’t there. Lets hope he has done the basics and left details in the clinic so someone can help us out. Another consultant appears and gets the ball rolling. My husband laughs at me as I pay attention. Being nosy some might call it. A conversation caught my ear. A senior member of nursing staff offered to take us into a clinic and draw the bloods so we didn’t have to wait about as the blood department would need to squeeze us in. He said no.

I was not happy. I couldn’t say anything as I was listening to a conversation that was not meant for my ears. The consultant said the department had missed off the two main tests so they needed to get it right. Was that about budgets, costing and funds? Possibly. The red tape of the hospital above the basics expected by the patient. Frustrating for sure.

Luckily they took the bloods and we were on our way home in just under an hour but do we think the basics will be covered again this time. No. husband said the paperwork was the same from last time. So we need to keep our fingers crossed that someone does their job properly. Maybe it is delaying tactics. I promise if there is a problem with this lot of bloods and we get called back again the air will be blue. I’m only asking for the basics and that isn’t too much to ask… is it? Ex

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Some days are hard

Some days are hard, this is one of those days. I’ll admit I cried myself to sleep last night. That hard crying that rocks your whole body. Waking a couple of hours later to start the process again, this time sleep evading me until it was time to get up. So today is going to be brutal but here I am at the day job. Showing up and doing what is expected of me when it is the last place I want to be.

It’s not my lot that has me upset. I can deal with the problems, complications, appointments and such that goes with my husbands health and how that affects our life. Some of those situations can get me down but not like this. Although he apologised when I was sobbing last night for all the extra pressure he has brought to my life. That made me feel worse as it was not his fault.

There are two people in my life that buzz around like that annoying mosquito. One has been quiet for a while (not that I expect that to last) but the other one has found a way to buzz in stereo. It wants me to dance to its tune and it wants it now. I swatted it away but I know it is about to divebomb me and that bite will itch for days.

After the call, whilst in the middle of my dinner I might add, which didn’t get finished (it killed my appetite) I sat back and mentally scrolled the list of things I have to, need to and want to do. Again something has to give. More hard decisions have to be made. The main thing is I need to find some time. I could ask my boss to go part-time. He won’t be happy as we are busy and this is the time of year when all the big bills appear, car insurance, tax and this year a large medical excess is heading our way. It would be hard and require a lot of cutting back.

Then I look at the easier options. All the things I want. In that my light dims a little more. I’ve already closed one avenue down as it wasn’t working. Now I am facing the hard decision of maybe I need to face up to that fact that I can’t have what I want. Perhaps it’s not meant to be. I can hear people saying, putting on hold and come back to it when you have more time. Reality is there will always be something that demands that time. That is the hard truth.

For now I am going to doing some hard thinking. Study this problem from every angle. Decisions will need to be made before renewals are due to be paid and publication dates are actually here. So if I go quiet you know why. There are a few copies of the new book left in my possession so if you want one let me know as there may not be anymore.

In all this hard contemplation I will keep looking at a message I received from an old friend. Ten words that have lifted me up a lot recently, not that he knows that. One thing I wish people would realise is that what you see or perceive is going on in someone’s life could be so far from the truth. You have no right to make demands on their time and look at the bigger picture. Just because it is your priority you don’t get to make it everyone else’s. Ex

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Unexpected Fraud

I was just working on my other project when a post popped to mind. It falls under the ‘only us’ category. Even now I get angry about this. It relates to fraud. Now they give you advice on taking care to shred paperwork. Properly block out personal information. Not giving people access to your information. However what if it’s information that is coming into your home? How to you protect that? Read on and see what I mean.

We had got back from our wedding and honeymoon in the Caribbean. Working our way through all those people and companies that you have to notify of the name change, change of circumstances and the like. I had a few more days off before our wedding party for friends and family so we had a few appointments between the final preparations for that. One of those was to get hubby added to my current account and my name changed. Went into the local branch. Got it all sorted. Happy days.

A few days after the party we had decided to have a few weeks off the drink. Sitting at the table just about to have dinner and the phone goes. It’s my bank. Sorry to inform you but we think you have been a victim of fraud. They start going through some transactions and my heart sinks. So the savings that I put in to pay the bills for the wedding party: it’s all gone? Yes you are overdrawn. How? In all the years I have banked with you I’ve never had an overdraft.

We were asked to go into our local branch the following day to sort it. Before I ended the call I asked if they could let the mortgage payment got through. They assured me there would be no problem and we would be getting the money back. I remember clearly putting the phone down and grabbing a bottle of wine. Sod the not drinking.

How had this happened? The debit cards for both of us had arrived safely as had husbands pin number. Neither of us had been anywhere unusual. Husband hadn’t even used his card yet. Dinner was forgotten. I was distraught. If the bank didn’t give us that money back I was wondering how to cover the cheques for the party. It was going to be mortifying when they bounced.

The visit to the bank was eye opening. They had issued my husband with a cash card. I’d never had one but they figured he would want one. It had never arrived and that was being used. As for the overdraft. Sheepishly they said that it had been approved as my situation had changed. So getting married means that I’m suddenly, after years and years of being a good customer, was going to be irresponsible? I was livid. To make matters worse they hadn’t paid the mortgage.

They’d had a field day at various electrical stores: not local ones. That stuck in my mind because they had even had the audacity to set up direct debits for insurances on the items they had brought. While we were stood at the counter going through some forms my husband noticed someone in the queue who, when he spotted my husband watching him, ran from the branch. It was a postman. The lightbulb went on. He had intercepted the post. I jest you not. We have contacts in Royal Mail. He was caught and eventually deported: I seem to remember it making local news.

For a while after we were getting credit cards for other people. The police were not interested but if they ran up lots of debt then let them know. Thanks for that. Those accounts were harder to close but we got there. It marred the start of married life that was for sure as for months I was on edge. We got the money back and thankfully with some letters we were not too badly affected.

I hadn’t heard of anyone else suffering fraud that way. The bank held our cards at branch for collection for a few years at my request. With all the best will in the world you can’t protect against everything. People will find a way. Only us! Ex

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The Power of a Letter

What would you say is more effective, a telephone call, an email or a letter? In these days of technology, instant messages and online chat you would think that to get anything done a letter would be ineffective. Redundant. Obsolete. Well let me tell you I think it is still the most powerful and efficient tool at our disposal.

Over the last several years I have come to realize that modern technology is great when the system is working properly. If there are no bugs. It’s not overloaded and the people using it are good at their jobs. The information loaded on the big PC is current and regularly updated then wonderful. Online is the way to go.

We are advised that to contact a department you leave a message. Send an email, you might want to attach a letter to that mail. Log on to that wonderful app they have said it is imperative to have and you will find the information you need. Someone will get back to you. Its all there. Everything is easy and fast. I call bull!

A year, well almost, we waited for test results. An application for funding for treatment was going to be made and we would hear back in three months as to what was going to happen. Tumbleweed. Radio silence. We reach out. Leave a message. Ask for updates. Complete a questionnaire to ensure we are still on the waiting list… and nothing.

The GP was no help. It takes time. The department is over stretched. They are busy. They will get to you? But how long do you wait? Is a year not long enough? Can you chase them us for us. See if you can get the results. An indication as to where we are at? No! Well thanks for that.

I sit. I stew. Someone else in my life stirs up some brown smelly stuff: unrelated but it pokes the bear. Enough is enough. Time to start making waves. The laptop gets powered up and my sarcastic mode has engaged. Letters to various companies penned then comes the hospital. Now I am never rude. My language maybe colourful in my head as I am composing the letter but what goes into print is polite.

Bingo. A response a few days later. Oh sorry. We installed a new system and you fell through the cracks. Seriously? How many patients did they ‘remove’ from the waiting list by shoving them down that crack. Was it in fact a version of the Grand Canyon? My husband must be the unluckiest person as this is not the first time a new system saw him being forgotten or misplaced. How can that happen so often?

So now we have to redo some of those tests. The application for funding will be submitted as that never happened. Once the results are back, if the funding is approved we can move forward. We have been given a telephone number to call if we have a problem. Now why is that? A different number. Direct contact? Is this a way to keep us quiet for a while longer?

Three months is what I will give them. Then one call to that new number. If that gets no response I will stick to my trusted letter. Effective. Powerful and satisfying. The old ways still have their uses. So if you find that you are not getting a response from a department. Try a letter. It might surprise you. For a little more effort it seems to get a lot more results. Maybe the old ways still have their place in todays world. It works for me. Ex