Please forgive me for this additional post. I need to work something through. This blog, my laptop and you if you are reading this are my sounding board. Regretfully I am not sure I am going to come to any grand decision but it is worth a try. I might find an answer at the end of this post. Anything is possible right? Stranger things have happened; often to me.
So those who are regular readers will know I was knocked off kilter by a comment earlier this year. I swear I will leave that firmly in 2024 but it has put a serious question mark in my head about my passion of writing. I know there are a few of you who read this. Not sure if that is religiously but I will take what I can get. I will keep posting for a while as it is certainly therapy for me. Therapy I wasn’t aware I needed but I digress.
I feel like I am that proverbial dog chasing its tail. Going round and round. Not getting anywhere. Just getting really dizzy. Probably sick too. I’ve not got to the sick stage but I have sure given myself a headache So here is my dilemma.
A couple of people have said I should follow my passion for writing. Tick one in the pro list. Originally that was going to be my resolution for the New Year, not that I usually make them, write a book. Am I good enough to do that? I can talk myself out of anything. I am my harshest critic. I know nothing about getting published. Reject letters, I fear, are not something I would deal well with. So maybe self publishing is the way to go but that isn’t cheap. Massive tick in the con list. Why would anyone be interested in anything I write? Dare to dream isn’t that what they say? On the other hand how many people never fulfil their dreams? See what I mean? Circles.
You don’t know unless you try. That is how I was brought up but that was in the era when career day suggestions were secretary, shop assistant, clerical assistant. We weren’t told we could do anything we wanted. Not once was it hinted I could be prime minister if that was my hearts desire. Oh my, the mind boggles. I was encouraged to think between the parameters society set me. That is different now, kids are told they can achieve anything, but you can see where I am at. My mind set is still back in that era; do not get above my station. A phrase I use at work occasionally.
Why is this so important to me? I have been thinking about this a lot. My little business whilst important to me and I am proud of it; to a lot of people in my life it is in all intents and purposes nothing more than a hobby. They don’t take it seriously. I guess that is the rub. I want to be taken seriously. Achieve something they can’t turn their noses up to. There is a smaller group who have made me feel like I am not good enough: full stop. My job; I am good at it. I know that. I love it (most of the time). I never blow my own trumpet there but its not going to change the course of history.
But writing. Do I dare to dream? Give it my best shot? If I fail at least I’ve tried? I don’t have to tell anyone do I? I have seen a few people this last couple of years follow their dreams and succeed. Am I proud of them? Damn right I am. Me I always seem to be too late to the party. Maybe I am this time too. I mean I am not someone famous suddenly trying to write; getting a book deal and grabbing a best seller. I am just me. I don’t think I am brave enough. Too long in the tooth. Perhaps the boat has sailed. Its just not meant to be. I’d love to know what you think. Chase that dream or not? Help me make my mind up…..please. E x