I wanted to run something by you. Get another perspective. I hope you don’t mind. As I have stated previously I am the stress head in the relationship. I need to look at things from all angles. So when you get given a situation do you consider the negative or are you solely focused on a positive outcome? How do you deal with it?
My husband has had many surgeries since I have met him and it never really bothered me. Well that’s not totally true. I’d always been on edge until I was told he was awake, in recovery or back on the ward. Usually I will be sat in the waiting room at the hospital. I find it easier to be near by. The one time during covid he needed surgery I found sitting at home so much harder. However it wasn’t until he had anaphylaxis and ended up in intensive care did that element of worry grow.
There was someone in my past who wouldn’t face the fact that when her parents were ill, that they were terminal and wouldn’t be around for ever. I tried to talk to her about it but she was in denial. I didn’t think it was healthy. I know when my Mum was given that prognosis I was ok this is happening. We don’t have long left. I’m not really talking about the terminal diagnosis, every one deals with that differently, this is more the element that things can go wrong. That element of risk. I mean the hospital ask you to sign the consent form so they admit it exists right?
My husband has had to have his heart stopped or jumped to get it back in rhythm more than once. I mentioned to someone in passing that I had to consider that there is a slim chance his heart might not start again. How can you think like that they asked? I struggled to explain. For me I have to allow that risk some recognition. To acknowledge that there is that chance. It can be such a mega slim chance but it exists. To ignore it for me doesn’t sit right. I’m not dwelling on it. Please don’t think that. I am not stressing that the outcome is going to be failure. Am I making sense?
Usually I wouldn’t have that conversation with my husband over something that I supposed is classified as minor in the world of procedures but I did mention it in passing. Not making a big deal out of it. Team positive here! I was surprised. He admitted he considered it too. Now my humour can be very dark. He said that it is him that it is happening to, so his concern is greater. I get that. I shrugged; but if it doesn’t start you won’t know anything about it. That is the harsh truth. I get to deal with the crap that comes after. He laughed. That is true: I’ll do what I can to keep it beating.
One thing I did learn when his surgery didn’t go to plan was that list that you subconsciously make: and trust me you have made it, for the order you would call people. Goes right out the window. The people that I had at the top of the list were left until last. Why? Drama! I was trying to get my head around what had happened and processing how I felt. I just wanted to give people the information and move on to the next call. Some just wouldn’t let me. They wanted to catch up. Ask about other people. Time and place please people. I digress.
So that is the question. Do you acknowledge that element of risk or are you adamant it doesn’t exist? I know there is no right or wrong way of approaching these situations. We all cope differently. I just didn’t think my way of dealing with it was that bizarre. I know I can be a tad weird. An acquired taste if you like. It just didn’t strike me as that odd. Going forward perhaps it is just best to keep these things to myself. I’ll think of it as me acknowledging the elephant in the room even if they don’t want to. Ex