I promised I would share stories of the curveballs life has given us. Well this tops our list. Our motto should be ‘you couldn’t make it up.’ People have said I should write these stories down. So here goes, have a chuckle at our expense I don’t mind.
Since I was about ten I wanted to go on a safari. It was a pipe dream. People like me didn’t get to do those things. Never give up on your dreams. Three years after we were married after a few discussions it was booked. A four day/ three night safari during a two week holiday in Kenya over Christmas and New Year. Excitement overload! Kid in a candy shop! Be careful for what you wish.
My god it was hot and wet. Humid times infinity. They had been having rain like you would not believe but off we went. Safari here we come. Collected by…..minivans. Not a four-wheel drive vehicle in sight. In hindsight there should have been flashing red lights and fog horn type alarms going off.
Now at this point I should point out a couple of things. I could fall over a match stick. Wherever we went I made a point of getting closely related to the pavement. It was annoying and painful to say the least. My husband worked outside in all weathers and often in mud and poop (trying to be polite). So the scene is set. Anyone putting money on who falls over?
We got stuck. A lot. Well not us the minivans. There were three of them in our convoy. I will refrain from making a rubber ducky comment and showing my age……oops guess I just did. So we would pile out and push them free and be on our merry way. Even some jeeps we saw were getting stuck. Conditions were bad but at least the rain had stopped. It turns out we were the last ones allowed out on the safari. Thanks for that.
We had just seen the lions and we got stuck; bundled out, free the van and walk to get back in. There is me concentrating on staying upright and hubby goes down a few feet in front of me.. Snap goes the ankle. Lions just a couple hundred meters away. No I’m not panicking (much). Husband laying on floor in agony. Great! Perfect! Being the jester he is ‘is this a good time to say I’m a celebrity get me outta here?!’
Fast forward an hour or so husband is not doing well as we have no pain relief. The tour guide takes us to this hut and best I can say is witch doctor. It is so surreal. He jabs him with I have no idea what and I pay him. Gives me a couple of tablets for him to take later and we are on our way again. Next stop is like a scout hut which is the local hospital. They have had to call around as it is closed as all the staff are off celebrating Christmas.
First comes the x-ray. I am asked to pay what I think. I have husband laying on table, pretty happy as whatever he was injected with has put him in a good place. I wouldn’t mind some. The tour guide is still looking panicked and man who has done x-ray looking at me expectantly. Now I don’t want to offend anyone. I mean who checks the going rate for hospital treatments before going on holiday. I open my purse and pray for some guidance. I pull out notes to the value of £7.00 and wait. Please don’t let me have insulted him. He nods and takes the money rather quickly.
We are moved to the next room where they plaster hubbies ankle. Its just a stable fracture the second man assures us. ‘you pay me same as him.’ nodding to the radiographer after they have whispered to each other. Ok yes I have enough notes for that. The guide tells me later they think I am rich as I have seriously over paid. £14 for their help is small change I can cope with that.
A few hours later we back at the lodge. Dinner is long finished, entertainment on its finale and we are beat. Time for a quick drink then, pack and bed. Tomorrow we head back to the hotel. Surely it is going to be ok from this point on?! Right? Well this is my mad life. E x