Tag: taking you time

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Who gets to say what is old?

I treated myself to a trip to the hairdressers recently. My one hour to sit, relax and switch off all whilst listening to the goings on of other patrons. Its amazing what people talk about. Anyhow, I usually zone out but in my Mrs Magoo state I actually looked in the mirror. Squinting I asked myself ‘who the heck is that woman?’ Oh my lord when had I got that old?

Not only did that woman look old she looked tired. Some days I will admit I feel shattered. Dragging myself out of bed to the day job is a chore but yet I still don’t consider myself old. Mentally; certainly not. I still snigger at an inappropriate comment. Always find the double entendre in a conversation, all without trying. Will happily pull faces when people wind me up. All very child like.

Can you imagine my consternation a couple of days later when I was walking home from work when a young male made a comment that at the time shocked me but I still found the funny side of it. I was walking into the underpass when this guy shot past on his bike, just missing me. He yells out woman. A few seconds later as I was about to round the corner another guy on a bike shot past even closer than the first cyclist. Sorry he said as he carried on at breakneck speed.

He then yells out ‘Dude, lucky you warned me or that old b*t*h would be dead!’ Should I be offended? Surprised? I’ve been called worse. Mind you he was probably right as he sure would have taken me off my feet. I suppose to them; late teens I would guess, I am old. Would I have dreamt of saying something like that at their age? Not that loudly for sure. Telling my friends they all laughed; for various reasons, but they know me well.

Old knitted humpties

It got me wondering, who gets to define what is old? I know when you are younger the thought of being forty seems ancient but as as you get older and the years tick by you realise it is no age. Society can’t make up its mind. On one hand we are classified as old around early to mid sixties however they want us to work longer. Yet someone dying at that age is not seen as old. I am a good few years off that age group thanks, in case you were wondering.

People say age is just a number and I guess that is true. Also I suppose your health has bearing on how you feel too. Wouldn’t it be nice if people could actually look past that number and value you as the person and knowledge you have gained over the years. I will admit I find myself telling my husband about things that have happened and go to say the person was old, but now I have to consider they may not be that many years older than me and I don’t want that label.

So tonight walking home a group of young teens in the other side of the road and one yells out ‘alright Nan?!’ That stung more than the other comment. I mean I am a step Nan to three and an Aunt and Great Aunt to quite a few but what gives them the right. I wasn’t even wearing my Granny trousers. I gave them my well practised ‘not impressed’ glare to which one sheepishly said sorry.

So this tired looking woman has booked a few days off and we are heading to the coast. Old biddy town obviously. No making use of OAP rates: I don’t qualify. Will we behave inappropriately? Possibly. Will there be childish giggling and sniggering? For sure. I may take some change from the pot and hit the arcade. Ice cream and donuts? Not telling! There will be drinking! Hopefully I won’t make the news…. but I make no promises. E x

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A Quiet Hug

I have been going with my husband to the allotment at the weekends. There are other things that I should be doing but I don’t get to enjoy the outside very often and I find myself craving the peace and quiet. You don’t get it all the time as it is near a main road but other times it is just the sound of the river, the trees swaying with the breeze and water system refilling. It is his domain so I let him get on with it and assist when required so I am usually armed with laptop or pen and paper.

You would think that with the peace and nothing but nature for inspiration I should be very productive. Trust me so far I have not been. I just find myself watching the wildlife. The ducks swimming effortlessly up the river, people walking their dogs, the butterfly flitting from plant to plant. Its also just nice to watch my husband in his happy place. He loves being outside and growing things. He has worked outside all his life so time on the allotment is all good.

There are people who love the peace and those that crave company. I am certainly the first group so much so that I label myself as selfishly antisocial. Don’t get me wrong I am that person that will smile and say good morning when seeing a regular face on my way to work. I may be the only person to acknowledge them all day. There are times I want to be around people, not necessarily to chat but just to be among others. Some days in the office I don’t speak to anyone. It doesn’t bother me. The radio is on, that is my company, just a little back ground noise as the hum of the lighting can grate.

The people that fall into the second group I have to be in the right mindset to cope with as I find they usually have the need to constantly talk. Its doesn’t matter about what they just need to converse. My husband says its like someone has wound them up and they just can’t stop. There are a couple we come across regularly and when we are on our own he will ask ‘do they ever shut up?’ He does have a point and I wonder if they are still talking when they are asleep.

I know there are times when people need to talk and that is fine. I am good to listen. I will offer my opinion when asked or just let you unload. Just the same there are times when you just need some to do nothing more than sit there and just be. No talking. I can do that too. My sister has done that for me at one of the hardest times of my life. Without me asking she just turned up and sat next to me. She didn’t speak unless I did. That was everything I needed at that time. To know I wasn’t alone. I didn’t have to explain how I was feeling. I could just feel. It wasn’t uncomfortable. That silence. It was like a quiet hug.

For me that is an important trait. To be able to read the room. To know what that other person needs. I think to be able to do that you probably need to know the person well or have very good instincts. Too many people find silence uncomfortable so fill it with mindless chatter. Do you know what I mean? When it gets to that point when you are asking yourself; why do you think I care about that? Is it acceptable to at that point say, ‘for the love of all things holy put a zip in it?’ I have been in the position that in my head I am yelling shut up or words to that effect. At that point I find myself getting up and moving away. Better that than the alternative.

Wanting that down time is no bad thing if that is what you like. So if you find yourself just sat enjoying the environment when you should be doing something else. Don’t beat yourself up. Enjoy it. I would. Ex

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Should not Adult

Apologies in advance for this additional post. My keyboard and I need to have a session. My tank is on empty, so much so that the warning light is flickering. In desperate need of a refill or charge. Perhaps both. I am sat at the day job wondering why in heavens name I have dragged myself in. Oh wait I know. One: I am conscientious, two: my boss is expecting to see me and three: I am nuts.

We had an out patients appointment yesterday. All went well before you start to worry. It was brutal emotionally. I guess sometimes I forget how much these run of appointments can drain you. I put on a front most of the time and laugh it off but I get worried. Me being the stress head of the couple. It goes with the job. Most of the time it is like a weight is lifted. We have got another procedure or test out of the way. We are taking a tiny step in the right direction. One less thing to worry about.

Yesterday was different it floored me. I crumpled under the weight. I’ll admit it; I felt like I let my husband down. I know I didn’t but you can’t help but feel a little guilty when you buckle for a little while. Someone said to me in the last few says that I am strong like my Mum was. I wish. I only saw that woman cry once. That was when she only had weeks left and she said she was done; she couldn’t do it anymore. It was hard because I could do nothing to make it easier for her.

The staff were amazing yesterday. People moan about our local hospital, heck it made the BBC news recently but on the whole they have been brilliant with my husband when it comes to stays and procedures. When asked his date of birth the nurse queried the year and I looked at husband and said perhaps he thinks it should be the century prior. The nurse who was inserting his canular burst out laughing: forget the procedure he should be in the museum.

The consultant when going through what was going to happen and asking questions wanted to know why we were backing having this done and not jumping ahead to the next phase. I shrugged because this is what we were told was going to happen. I didn’t realise we could pick. We just do as we are told. The female consultant with him had to walk away as she was close to crying from laughter. It went completely over his head but I did find it funny. He then asked about a tablet which we hadn’t be prescribed. He should be on that after this procedure. Did he do it. Nope!

One thing that did really impress me was the sister asked If he was on medication for his Parkinsons due to the time restrictions on taking it. I have read so many stories where people had been in hospital and no one seem to be aware of the necessity for tablets to be taken on time. Thankfully he is not bad enough to need medication yet.

When we got home I sent the emoji messages to those who asked to be updated. Made tea as I hadn’t eaten or drunk either. I am that person that fasts with him. A morning without tea was torture let me tell you. After being fed and watered I crashed. It is rare for me to sleep during the day but I was gone for an hour.

It was later in the evening when I crumbled. I hated myself for doing it in front of my husband. I try to cry in private. I guess the last few months has been a lot. There have been a lot of appointments. He apologised for putting me through this. That made it worse. So today we are picking ourselves up, dusting us down and getting on with. I do feel like I should be wearing a sign. Like the warning of tablet side effects. May cause drowsiness, do not operate heavy machine. Mine should read: – may be dopey. Should not adult. Do not poke at any costs. I pity anyone that does. Just for today anyway E x